Having a public blog about your family’s life at seminary can be, well, difficult sometimes. It’s not the forum to complain or expose too much information. It’s not a diary. But glossing over the hard stuff can sometimes make the whole seminary experience seem like sunshine and lollipops. And it’s not. But then again, you probably knew that.
This upcoming move, while exciting, is very overwhelming. And not just for me, but for my kiddos too. People always say, “Kids are resilient.” I don’t think so. At least not in the way it’s meant. I think kids do what they need to do to survive, because they have no other option. But that doesn’t make it any easier for them.
My daughter’s piano teacher texted me the other day after piano lessons – “Karis seemed just a bit off tonight… She immediately brought up looking for houses but then said she is sometimes excited and sometimes sad and sometimes when she prays, she cries.” Josiah told me yesterday, “I feel excited to meet new people but I also feel sad to say goodbye to my friends.” Micah says he doesn’t want to move. And Reuben, while only five, is scared.
It’s not just us either. My seminary friend’s daughter is going through a rough time, too. She lost it over brushing her hair this morning. When she got to school, she burst into tears. The art teacher ran over to her and said, “Why don’t we go sit in the drawing corner, and rock in the rocking chair ‘til we feel back to normal.” Back to normal. Normal is where we all want to be, but I can feel normalcy slipping away just when I thought I had gotten it back. It is a panicky feeling.
It breaks my heart. It tightens my throat. It tenses my shoulders. It turns my stomach. To feel so emotionally fragile. It’s not just me moving. That’s easy. Or Toby moving. We’ve been there, done that. It’s each one of my kids moving. It’s bracing myself to carry the emotional weight of six individual moves, not just one.
This is a hard side of seminary.
But just the other week, the lesson for the kids in Children’s Ministry was: Remember what’s true. When you feel anxious, or alone, or impatient, remember what’s true. So last night, I decided to start writing down everyday a few things that I know to be true. (My own form of therapy.) Here are the first five truths I wrote down:
- God is faithful. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
- God will never leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrew 13:5)
- Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)
- The heavens are God’s. The earth is God’s. (Psalm 89:11)
- I am blessed. (Psalm 89:15)
I think I will continue to write down a few truths everyday. To keep myself grounded. To remind my children that we are leaning on something bigger than ourselves. Something bigger than this move. SomeONE who is trustworthy and who is going to help us as we rock ourselves back to normal.