Alcohol \ˈal-kə-ˌhȯl\ : a colorless volatile flammable liquid that is the intoxicating constituent of wine, beer, spirits, and other drinks.
That is what Micah told his pediatrician (slowly and pronounced, so that she could write it down in her notes) was his main choice of beverage at home. (What!?)
This was right before he asked her “what is a car seat?” (Are you kidding me?) and told her, “I sit in the front seat of my mom’s car without a seatbelt” (Um. That was one time, around campus, and for only 40 meters!).
Later, he failed the skipping test (he half tip-toed, half dragged his leg behind him, all while sticking out his tongue and belly). He told the doctor that he has no trouble pooping, but his cousin can “clog the hole that leads to the sewer.”
And to conclude this memorable doctor’s visit, he explained that he sleeps in a room with all three of his siblings. “Surely not!” expressed the wide-eyed pediatrician.” “Yep!” Micah replied. I quickly explained that my husband is at seminary and we live in a small seminary apartment, where we drink milk, wear helmets and seatbelts, and love Jesus. But I am not sure what help that was.
I fully expect a call from DCFS within the next 24 hours. But I think I can explain everything, even the alcohol comment (but not the skipping fiasco). At dinner this evening, I nonchalantly asked Micah why he told the doctor he drinks alcohol. He responded, “Because I like it.” “What alcohol have you had?” I asked nervously. “You know, soda and other sweet drinks that taste good.” (Phew!)
I quickly explained that those are “soft drinks” not alcohol. And then my child asked the obvious question, “So, what are ‘hard drinks’?” (Hard drinks are what I need after a day like today.)